What Am I Chasing?

Questioning my art, but unable to find an answer

Hey there, cool kid

We’re finally getting a little summery here in Central PA, but we’ve still had more rainy and humid days than nice ones. Still, I’ve been able to steal a little bit of summer here and there by taking care of the garden and having lunch outside.

views of my front garden. Ohio Spiderwort with tiny bees, Oakleaf Hydrangea, and Creeping Thyme with a hidden bee friend

I actually thought that my oakleaf hydrangea was dead last year when my lawn guy weed whacked it by accident, but now look at it! It’s HUGE! Like three times bigger than it was. I guess that’s some sort of metaphor for how to play the long game and stay determined? Maybe I’m a whacked hydrangea, recovering and ready for some big growth.

Dissatisfied by my Art

I started using Bluesky last year since that is “the place to be”. I quite like it a lot. At the time, I was in my SmART School course, so I ended up following a lot of fantasy and sci-fi illustrators. Their art is AMAZING…but it also makes me a little intimidated to share my own work. My art is no where near their caliber of skill. My colors are amateur at best. My inks sloppy. My characters bland, crooked, and poorly rendered.

Just some of the amazing art on my feed, from @isaillustration.bsky.social‬ and ‪@snow-fredel.bsky.social‬. They are excellent, please look at their stuff. But you can see why I’m feeling intimidated!

It’s just another social media platform to fail at.

I’ve been watching and reading a lot on art lately. I’m dissatisfied with my art. I’m looking for something. If I research enough and practice and try various methods, then surely I should find the answer to what I’m doing wrong and how to fix it.

I’ve been pouring over The Art of kelogsloops and Lioba Brueckner’s Youtube videos. I can’t help but think “what am I doing wrong? Why don’t my paintings have the same luminosity, the same depth of colors?” I try to learn all I can from studying them and other watercolorists.

And I’ve been asking myself “what am I looking for? What do I want my art to actually be?”

Early in the painting process for the cover of The Alchemist of Aurillia vol. 1. I’ve just laid down some of the first layers of color here.

An ink sketch in my sketchbook, playing around with a different style of inking

Many Different Directions

I’m trying to do everything at once. More illustrative watercolors. Sketchier inks. Brighter colors. Less colors. Cleaner lines. More comics. More paintings.

I’m realizing that I’m going in 20 different directions instead of just focusing on one body of work.

I do enjoy lots of different mediums and styles. I have fun with my markers, but have also really loved watercolors and dip pens lately.

Is it a loss of identity? Or a reinvention?

I don’t know.

What am I chasing?

But Progress Still Goes On. “The Art of Magic”

Between layers on the cover painting, I’m also working on “The Art of Magic” short for the bonus content. It’s a simple story, but it’s been fun to draw and write a small Nuriye with Master Ekber. And, spoilers — Nuriye’s very much not dead Dad makes his first appearance!

Nuriye's Dad was first mentioned when Aiza assumed he was dead because he hadn't appeared yet. He's very much alive.

It’s been awhile since I’ve sat down to draw comics specifically, so it feels a little weird getting back into the swing of things. But so far, I think the art is looking pretty good.

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Check Out This Kickstarter!

HELLFORGED #1-5: Fantasy Adventure Meets Science Fiction by Elliott Duque-Estrada

HELLFORGED is the story of a teenager named Liz who is living in New York City with her father, the fabled wizard Merlin, pretending to be normal people. Stranded on Earth after an accident transported Merlin and Liz to our world when she was a baby, Liz has grown up only knowing what Merlin has told her about their home - the utopian planet of Camelot - and the benevolent King Arthur. After a mysterious force brings Liz, Merlin, and Liz’s best friend Calvin to the world of Camelot, Liz discovers that it’s actually a nightmarish hellscape overrun with terrifying beasts that serve a world consuming primordial evil. This evil, the universe’s personification of Death, is an extra-dimensional being known as the All-Dark, and it has possessed and corrupted King Arthur and Camelot beyond salvation.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of the lies that Merlin has told Liz in the hopes of keeping the truth of what she is from her… Liz is the soul of the mythical sword Excalibur given a human form.

Check it out here.

And Don’t Forget about Concrete Arcanum: Living With Monsters!

What if it became mainstream knowledge that magic was real? What if you found out that your neighbor was a centuries old fey creature? What if you were living with monsters? These are the questions posed to some of the finest talent working in indie comics and each has put forward their answer. My own story “Even Ghosts Have Orc Problems!” is just one of 30 featured tales within!

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Parting Note

Yet another style to experiment with. I still need to push the values darker…

Hopefully this post didn’t come off too negative. I’m not trying to complain but more so just ask questions to figure out where I should go. I believe there is an answer to this. I just have to get there.

‘Till the next time,
Melissa J